Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Recovery Mode

Typically, when that week between Christmas and New Year's Eve rolls around, I get really nostalgic for the year that has past. I contemplate the things that have happened in the last year to get me to the point I'm at now, and I wonder about what the future holds.

But frankly, I'm so over 2016. I don't want to think about it, ruminate on it, consider all of the ways it has changed me, shaped me, molded me. Because, frankly, it kind of sucked.

Yes, I got married to a wonderful man in 2016. On Thanksgiving, I wrote a post about all of the things I was thankful for in 2016, and there are a few of them. But there were also a lot of really sucky things that happened that I'd rather just move on from... which is a tad impossible when you're still living in a construction zone.

So moving forward to 2017...

I'll be honest. I am terrible at New Year's Resolutions. (I mean... everyone is, right? It's kind of a cliché at this point for me to say I'm terrible at them, but here I am... saying I'm terrible at them.) I get these big lofty dreams in my head: I'm going to exercise more! I'm going to eat right! I'm going to finally commit to doing all the DIY projects on my Pinterest board! And then January hits me full force -- we go back to school, I fall back into my routine of not doing anything but binge watching Netflix, eating popcorn, and reading books. Whomp whomp.

So, in 2014, I decided to ditch the conventional New Year's Resolution that I could never quite stick to and, instead, chose a word to define my year. In 2014, my word was pursue. In 2015, my word was persist. In 2016, I was obviously so overwhelmed with cheerleading and my first year of teaching that I just didn't choose a word. Looking back, 2016 should probably have been plan (a wedding, a rebuilding of your home, ahead for the future... etc.)

After snooping around on the Internet (and getting lost amid a few too many cooking tutorial videos and cats wearing hats), I've decided that my word of the year will be...

Recover.

2016 was a harrowing year, and I did a pretty terrible job at self-care. I avoided confronting my problems and facing my emotions, and I took it out on my poor husband one too many times.

So, for the first part of the year, I will focus on recovering from the past year. On OneWord365's blog, they write, "recovery means recognizing the problem for what it is and being willing to change your life," and that really spoke to me. I shouldn't only be realizing that I have problems, but I should be willing to do something to overcome those issues.

So, I have resolved to take better care of myself. Not so much your typical work out-eat healthy-cut junk food (because, let's be honest about who I am as a person...), but generally be more focused on my mental health. Write more. See a therapist. Stay organized (for my sanity). Keep on top of my schoolwork. Throw myself back into my students and let them heal me. Go run with my puppy. Take time for myself. Say no to things. Say yes to things I might normally say no to. Be a better friend to my friends.

I need to get back to where I was in the past and where I should be going in the future. Winter is always challenging for me, and living in a house that is still under construction is hard on my psyche. Accepting that things are difficult and vowing to help myself adapt to these changes will help in my recovery process.

Hopefully, come June 2017, I'll be revising this word to something more forceful and optimistic, but for now, this word felt right.

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